Friday, 02 January 2009
How To Not Let People Treat You Like Shit 101.
Lecturer: Lydia Cheng
After experiencing my random, frequent outburst of tears, Lyd was kind enough to accompany me to grab some bubble tea to hear my rant. She also suggested I bring a notepad and a pad so that she could run through an eye-opening, and surprisingly straightforward logical unit called How To Not Let People Treat You Like Shit 101.
One thing I learned about myself today was that, in previous relationships, I let my walls down way too fast - before I even knew the person well enough. I allowed myself to trust everyone, always thinking that everyone would be nice to me if I was nice to them. Reality check - there are so many... strange.... individuals out there that just don't work that way.. whether it be due to their own insecurities, lack of experience, etc. My mistake was in skipping the initial assessment, and so only after having become close to someone, only then would I begin to see many undesirable and upsetting qualities. Then I would try and work things through, in my mind, to try and oversee these qualities and give that person chance after chance after chance, to the expense of my own happiness. Most of the time nothing would be resolved, as the qualities are simply a part of their package they have to offer - simply a part of them. What else could I do, but accept them for who they are. That part hasn't always been easy, as I would, after many efforts of digging, fail to rationalise their behaviour towards me. I'VE GOT TO LEARN TO TOUGHEN UP, and where someone is nasty, don't question it and spend countless nights asking why. DEAL WITH IT - CUT THEM OUT.
It's all about CHOICES. If I made the simple choice of not allowing people to treat me like a doormat, I would've cut those nasty people out of my life and I wouldn't have become this annoying sensitive girl I am today. If I made the decision a long time ago to be CONFIDENT in myself - that I AM a great compassionate person with a kind heart and good intentions - then I would have not allowed all those cruel 'friends' to tread over me and I would have known that I deserved much better. If I made the choice to stand up for myself, to leave, rather than choose to ignore and forget the terrible things they did and said to me, I would be a much stronger, confident, and happier girl today. My choices moulded me into who I am today, and my careful choices beginning from today can and will make me the stronger, confident person I wish to be.
I started reading a book I borrowed from Lyd. And it's made me realise that.. I think I've had enough of trying to analyse everyone's behaviours. For me, in order to find peace, I always wanted to really understand people's thoughts and actions; was my way of being able to accept someone. But now that I think about it, I never found any answers and if I did, they were simply answers which I assumed and knew would make me feel better. I think it's now time for me to let go of 'understanding' others. Of understanding why some of my 'friends' and other people treat me and others the way they do. Otherwise I'll be spending my whole lifetime searching for answers, and answers which are likely to be incomplete or not necessarily correct. My whole lifetime will be spent asking questions which have no definitive answer, and I'll be living an unfulfilled life. I don't want that - I want to live an enjoyable and carefree life! I don't want trivial matters dragging me down.
This book explains in the beginning that Western science and culture has conditioned society into believing that all behaviour can be accounted for. I have always believed that, thus my curiousity in understanding those around me. As I continued to read, I began to question whether that is necessarily the best approach in finding peace with others. The book made me realise that, we are all unique individuals with many differing and complex thoughts and thought processes. How can we then come to a definitive rationale behind people's behaviour when we are all.. different? How can we possibly know EVERY SINGLE thought and experience one has had through their whole life to come to a single 'answer' to their behaviour? We will never know everything, so we will never be able to have one definitive answer. Western culture, or science, is bounded by parameters which are meant to define their, ideas or facts. But surely, not all factors would be identified and considered in formulating this answer.
Everyone is different, so why should I, or we for that matter, even bother trying to understand? Why not make life much more easier, and just let them be. Just think, well.. that's the way it is and so be it. I think I prefer this approach. Acknowledging that we are all peculiar and colourful individuals who have many different factors influencing us and who we are, and because of this, it's simply a waste of time trying to de-code ones behaviour and find answers. It's so incredibly simple. Cut out the understanding and analysing part; just.. accept and be at peace with the thought that.... that's just how it is.